Dating Burnout
Updated: Aug 21, 2021
Signs you have dating burnout and what to do about it.
Nowadays, people have more dating options than ever before. But while, in many ways, it can be a good thing, the endless dates, the texts that mysteriously drop off after the second or third date, and just the general sense that you'll never find someone special, leaves you with dating burnout.
Some signs of Dating Burnout
You've been on and off a variety of dating sites and have yet to meet your match. Frustrated, the focal point of all your conversations is your dating woes. You spend time on dates rehashing dating horror stories of the date who downed three martinis in a half hour and the mom/dad who spent the entire date texting “one of their brother/sister/friend/children”.
You're just bored with the whole dating experience. You find yourself going through the motions and have no real desire to engage with your date. His/Her interests, ambitions, past and hobbies? You could care less.
Bad dating experiences have tainted your opinion of the entire male/female population. Now you are cynical and jaded and doomed for success. You now suspect that all people you date lie or bend the truth. You're inclined to make hasty assumptions and have caught yourself saying things like, 'All men/women are difficult and demanding.
Most of your dates are at lunch to avoid the whole dinner/drinks syndrome of having to shell out a bundle and then the date sucks. Or having your date shell out a bunch of money and expects a kiss at the end of the first date. Or in Starbucks so as to eliminate either of those issue or the burden of finding a place. In some cases, you defer the task of selecting a place to your date. You must continue to put forth some effort if you are purposefully dating.
You've abandoned all hope that you'll ever find that special someone. You're convinced that you're just some unlucky schmuck whose destiny it is to be alone forever.
Some ways to avoid Dating Burnout
Get off all dating apps for a little bit. Take a break. Apps are great, but also exhausting. Getting rejected repeatedly, or not getting any matches, can make someone super dejected. Being overwhelmed by attention and feeling like you're wasting your time going on what is essentially the same date over and over again can suck the interest in dating altogether right out of you.
Go to events/clubs to have fun, not to meet men/women. Join/start a Meetup Group that interests you. Stop putting expectations on whether the night is good or not if you met a guy/gal. Go out with your family or friends, embrace your single life and just have fun.
Don't try to date individuals that are GU (geographically undesirable). This has happened to me several times before I learned this lesson. Don't travel far because that puts high expectations on the date working out. If you don't travel far, you won't be so disappointed if the date doesn't go as hoped.
Don't go on dates when you have had a long stressful week or you're just not really feeling it. If you've had a long week and don't think you'll be fully invested in the date, don't do it. Don't be afraid to say, 'Hey, sorry I can’t make it this week, I am just exhausted from work and want to meet you when I have a little more spring in my step. That's much better for her/him that going on the date, being tired and kind of awful to be with, and wasting both your and her/his time.
Learn from your dating experiences. Regardless of how a first or second date goes, try to learn from the experience. Appreciate what you learned about your preferences and don’t consider unsuccessful dates as wasted time. You went out, you met someone new, it didn't work, but it was still a worth-while experience, and now don’t repeat meeting someone else with that outlook, behavior, or circumstance. Like all dates, it can be an opportunity to evaluate your entire approach to dating.
Hire a Dating Coach!
Be patient, online dating does work, it has worked for me, my wife and other friends of ours and likely friends of yours. So you know it works, it just hasn’t quite worked out for you. Yet! Let me know if you would like my help.