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Heading in the Same Direction?


Hey, are we heading in the same direction?


So here you are, in a great relationship, in love with the man or woman that you have been waiting for. Dating life behind, nothing but green lights ahead! And then, you begin to talk about the future, where you will be 5, 10 or 20 years from now and you suddenly realize that he or she is not exactly thinking the same as you. Now what?


I have heard this from many men and women that I coach. Life is all good, until we start to discuss the long term plan. Then the wheels start to fall off and then what seemed to be just an ideal relationship, is now about to end.


I was coaching a man the other day, when we discussed his current relationship, dating this lady for several months now, both seemingly happy with where the state of their relationship, except they have not had this conversation. She has a daughter that is married and about to have her first child and his girlfriend is about to be a granny. And she is pretty excited about it. Here is where the plot thickens. Her only daughter lives in Charleston, South Carolina. He and his girlfriend live in Nashville, Tennessee and are both from there. He has family in Nashville. He tells me that she has mentioned that she would like to be near her daughter and soon to be granddaughter. Which means what? That she is planning in the not too distant future to pack up from Nashville, with or without him and move to Charleston! I asked if he has really considered having the "Are we heading in the same direction talk", sooner than later. I suggested that he have that conversation now and decide if they should continue in their current relationship or just simply plod along, because it is comfortable, burning precious weeks, months, maybe years in a relationship. Only to have to break away from one another, suffer some hurt and then look back years from now and wonder, why they wasted all that time, when ultimately she will be in Charleston with her family and he will stay in Nashville with his family.


Someone who has always had their heart set on living on or near the beach when they retire or live on the lake or live in the mountains or in a high rise in Manhattan. Early on in a relationship every couple should have the direction conversation. Are we heading the same way? If she wants to be in Chicago where she grew up and he wants to be in San Diego where he grew up, you probably need to stop the music and make the hard decision, now as opposed to putting years into a relationship where ultimately you live in Denver, where neither one of you wanted to live, but it is the easy midway point between Chicago and San Diego. Say what? Why would you? Find that ideal match for you and be sure that you know where he or she wants to end up and that direction is ideal for you as well. That will help in you having a wonderful, fulfilling and sustainable long term relationship.




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